Imaginary Shrinky

So, I’m sick today.  It’s been a rough week with Amos being sick, then me.  Despite it all, I’m sticking to the diet.

As of today, I’m at 152.5 pounds, down 33.5 pounds overall.  Woohoo!

I’m less than 8 pounds away from no longer being overweight.  I will be “normal”.  Haha.  Normal.

I’ve added a new ticker to the right side over there.  I’m in a new challenge with some mom friends of mine.  We’re calling it our Biggest Loser challenge, which started Feb 13 and goes six weeks through March 27.  So far, I’ve lost 2 pounds for the first week.  Chugga chugga!

A few things have changed.  One, Medifast has proven to be an expensive situation for my household.  I bought some of the product off of Ebay, and I’m supplementing it with store-bought South Beach items, such as their high protein bars.  This hasn’t slowed my loss, and I’m saving money.  So, I’m sticking to six meals a day, with five being Medifast-ish meals and one being my “lean and green” - lots of protein with lots of veggies.

I felt that my resolve was slipping (and if you had observed me drinking about a ton of wine over Valentine’s weekend, you would agree).  Last year was the hardest I’ve ever endured, and the emotional repercussions have taken a toll.  I knew that I either needed to switch to a new diet or find a little help to stick to the original plan.

So, I went to Costco and purchased some hoodia.

The hoodia I am using has a reputation for being high quality.  It actually works.  It definitely helps to curb my appetite and to avoid eating a whole box of Cheez-Its.  So far, so good.

I think adding the Biggest Loser challenge and the hoodia will help me to stay focused.  I’m so close now.  Did you see that ticker over there?  I’ve lost almost 20% of my body weight.

And, I am looking damn fine.  Even I’m willing to admit that now.  Ha.

Sometimes, I think about the deeper reasons for my weight issues.  It isn’t JUST that I ate too much.  It isn’t JUST that I had way too much wine in too short a timespan.  There are causes to those effects that created the larger effect.  Or, more accurately, the larger me.

I’m reaching a healthy weight, and it’s easier for me to look back and say, “Ah.  That’s where you went wrong here, here, and over there.”  When you start out on a diet or exercise program, you’re looking up at that great big, seemingly insurmountable hill.  Gotta reach the top.  You don’t realize that the introspection and stick-to-it-iveness must keep going in order to stride down the other side of that lump.  I guess I’m looking at the apex of that hill as the halfway point of my journey.

Today, I stand a little bit on the downside of that hill.  I’m slightly over halfway to my goal.  I’m down 31 pounds total, with 29.6 of those pounds lost using Medifast.  According to the handy-dandy ticker over there on the right, I have 24-something pounds to go until I see 130 on the scale.  Always looking at the minigoals, I now am only 10 pounds away from no longer being overweight.  Ten pounds now stands between me and “normal,”  or the high end of normal, at least.

So, you see, it’s not smooth sailing from here, at this spot on my hill.  I still have those 10 pounds to conquer, and then the rest of it.  I still have the underlying issues that caused this situation in the first place.  But, I’m on the downslide with the wind at my back.  I know I must continue to conquer my demons and the reasons that I ate too much food or drank too much wine.

I think that’s why I’m learning to appreciate that this journey is not going as fast as I originally intended.  Perhaps slower is better.  Perhaps I need to savor each pound or even each ounce lost.  I am learning to feel my body and see and love myself again.  There are parts of me that I didn’t even think about when I was young and thin, but now I look at my post-baby belly or my ankle, maybe my cheeks, and I am seeing the difference.  I see the woman I used to be, but someone who is older, wiser, and learning to tame her inner junkie.

You thought I’d never get to the part about why we’re all junkies.  Haha.

So, whether you need to dig yourself out of debt because you spent too much, or stop smoking because your lungs are black and you will die too young, or stop drinking because your liver now takes up your entire abdomen… we’re all junkies for one thing or another.  It’s the learning, the growing, the pains, the joys, and then appreciating the healthier you that will keep you away from that demon.

Sorry.  It’s the best rhyme I could think of on short notice.

So, yes.  Here it is:  2009.  I am just about halfway to my goal.  My plan was thwarted by the holidays, grief over losing my parents, and general depression related to those topics.  Wine was aplenty and a’flowing.  Cookies were consumed.  Mac n’ cheese was gobbled.

I stand here anew.  Today, I’ve started the program with a fresh outlook.

I’m adding a bit of exercise every day (or as often as possible) to encourage more weight loss and to lift my spirits.  Exercise and fresh air really do wonders for my wellbeing.  We take Amos to the park so that he can slide to his heart’s content.  We push the stroller and admire things in store windows.  We pass up the coffee shops and restaurants and taunting signs of wine and sushi.  My resolve, she is strong.

So, here’s to continued success on my weight loss journey.  Steady as she goes, as they say.

So, today ends my “first” week of the Medifast diet, attempt number three.  I lost a total of 5.2 pounds this time, which beat my very first week back in July, when I lost 4.8 pounds.

Yes, I am competing with myself.

I weigh myself daily, which I’ve said before.  This helps me to stay focused and to challenge myself.  I know that I might have done better this week if I wasn’t about to enter that certain time o’ the month, if you know what I’m saying.  I also would have done better if I hadn’t shoveled a noodle here and there from Amos’ lunch or the handful of Teddy Grahams that somehow made it into my mouth last night after a movie.

But that’s how it goes.

After evaluating my handy-dandy spreadsheet, I can see that if I follow the same progression I made last time, I will be at one of my mini goals - no longer overweight - by mid to late January.  Woohoo!  That will put me at 144 or so.  I haven’t seen 144 in a LONG time.  Like, turn-of-the-century long time.  How crazy is it that in less than 7 weeks, I can say that I’m no longer overweight?

I’m also now in the 30-pounds-or-less category, which is a mighty fine place to be.  My initial goal is to reach 130 pounds.  If I get there, I’ll be very, very happy.  If I can ever reach the low 120s, I will pee my pants with delight.

So, that’s today’s report and fantasizing.  Here’s to you and whatever goals you might want to reach!

P.S. - My Wii arrived today.  Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

P.S.S. - Sorry for the HUGE amount of SPAM comments lately.  Hopefully, I’ve learned how to combat them.  Taking advice for this, if you have it.

P.S.S.S - SWAK

Well, what to say…

Life has a way of throwing giant boulders in front of the car.  I did well with my diet, ending at 157.9 in October.  Then, my mother became sick.

My mother went through hell and back with diagnosis, treatment, and surgery for stage 3B ovarian cancer.  It was two months of agony for her and her kids.  I went back to Texas to care for her, only 6 months after my father had passed away.  It was, to say the least, harrowing.

I had to stop the diet due to taking antibiotics for a nasty bladder infection.  The high concentration of calcium in the diet was counteracting the antibiotics and causing a great deal of stress on my digestive system.  Then, I fell into a pattern of drinking a good deal of wine and eating great food to counteract the high stress from my mother’s situation.

I started the diet again at the end of October, when I had returned home at the point when my mother seemed to be getting better.  I had gone up to 164.5 and managed to get down to 158.9, and then my mother took a turn for the worst.  She died on November 20.  Needless to say, I was not able to concentrate on my diet.

So, here I am again.  I’m home, trying to regain some sense of normalcy.  I started the diet yet again on Friday, December 5 at 165.7 pounds (thank you: wine, stress, and bbq).  The first week is always a big drop.  I am already down to 161 after five days.  So, at this point, I have lost 25 pounds total and 23.5 pounds on Medifast.  I’m halfway to my goal.

Stopping and starting was never part of my plan, but I can’t always control how life happens.  Losing two parents only 8 months apart is incredibly hard.  At this point, I look to this diet to be one of the things to bring me back to center.

Here’s to the next few months of becoming whole (and smaller).

Sorry.  That song is stuck in my head because of Amos’ toy.

Just a short update to let you know that I am down another 5 pounds.  Today, I weigh in at 163.4 pounds.

My loss so far is 21.1 pounds on Medifast and a total of 22.6 pounds over all. I’m just starting my 10th week on the program.

Here is the breakdown:

I’m fitting into clothes I haven’t worn in years, I feel healthier, and I’m happy with my results so far.

I met two more goals.  They are basically the same goal - lose 10% of my total body weight.  I managed to lose 10% from my original weight of 186 and 10% of 184.5, which was my weight when I started Medifast.  These nuances may not mean much in the long run, but I still keep track of each starting point.

My next goal is to leave the 160s.  Then, I will strive for hitting that 15% mark.

However…

Things are troubling around me.  My mother is very ill, and I need to take care of that.  I’ve been very distracted by this situation and other things, so I apologize for the delays in updating.

I’m still marching on, just like the ants.  Even on the worst days when I wanted a glass of wine or maybe bum some crack off of a hooker on Colfax Ave (just kidding), I forged on and stayed focused on the diet.  It ain’t easy, folks, but I’m doing it.

Keep on truckin’…

That’s a line from a song by Mike Doughty, one of my favorite artists.  It applies more and more to me these days, even if not in the same context as Mikey intended.

Today, I am officially weighing in at 168.4 pounds.  Wahoo!  That’s a loss of 17.6 pounds total and 16.1 pounds on the Medifast program.  Do you hear me, skinny jeans?  I’m a’coming fer ye.

This is what I have noticed about my body’s reaction to this diet:  some days, I lose weight steadily at a pace of 0.2 to 0.4 pounds.  Some days, my body comes to a screeching halt and says, “NO!  No more!  We will cling to this fat if it’s the last thing we do!”  I’ll sit at one weight for two to four days, and then suddenly…

I drop 1.5 pounds in a day.  Like I did today.

These surprise drops certainly make up for the days when I bang my head on the laptop, wishing my metabolism wasn’t so stubborn.  I’m not one of the folks on Medifast who lose a miraculous 5 pounds each week.  I average 1.2 to 2.5 pounds a week, which is pretty darn normal but still a bit frustrating at times.  The skinny girl in me is fighting to get out, and she lacks etiquette and tends to burp at the table.  So, the fat girl must slap her around a little bit to keep her in line.  You’ll have your day in the sun, Skinny.  Patience, Grasshopper.

Other good news…

I was feeling a might poorly about lack of progress before today’s drop, but then something miraculous happened.  We were going to shop for bulk items at Costco, and I felt the need to dress a little better than my standard daily fare of comfy yoga pants stained with Amos’ food splatters.  I had already felt like my “fat” jeans were too loose, so I searched in a pile of dust-covered pants for an option.  I fished out my tan corduroy pants that I haven’t worn since before I was pregnant - that would be pre-Sept 2006, mind you.  Back then, those pants had begun to rebel against my robust body and refused to button, so I gave them up to the dusty ol’ dust.

I tried on the pants before our Costco outing, thinking, “Well, I’m sure they don’t fit, but give it the ol’ college try.”  Those pants, the ones that make my legs and butt look fantastic when they fit, slipped right over my formerly chubby legs and hips.  I winced as I attempted to zip and button them.  Surprise, surprise!  They zip easily, and the waistband is LOOSE.  I think I might need a belt with my formerly skinny jeans!

At least I have some pants to wear until I slip right out of these cords. Oh, the dilemma!  (heheh)

So, it just goes to show, when you feel you aren’t making progress on a diet and the scale isn’t moving, try something else.  Try on that old bra, shirt, skirt, or butt-enhancing tan cords.

You just might feel like strutting around Costco and dancing just a little bit in the condiments aisle.

Just thought I’d add a short update.

First, if you would like to see some of the fantastic tools I use to keep up my diet, I have added an Amazon revolving carousel of products to the right. I think it’s fun just to make it whirl around. I’ll be talking specifically about those products in the days to come.

I’m a bit distracted, as Phil and I have tickets to the Obama speech tomorrow. (YAY!) I’ll update once the hoopla calms down.

In other news…

I’m officially 15.5 pounds down from my original starting weight! Today, I’m at 170.5. Only half a pound to go until I hit the 160s, and half a pound to go until I have 30-something pounds left to lose to my first target of 130. Seeing 30-something to go versus 50-something, like when I started, is a HUGE mental boost.

I’ve added a widget to the right that tracks my progress. It shows the pounds I’ve lost, how much to go until I hit 130, and my current BMI. No matter when you read this post, you’ll be able to see where I was on a certain day versus my current stats.

Pretty nifty, eh?

The only mental challenge I have right now (or physical) is trying to figure out how to get my Medifast food into Invesco Field to see Obama’s speech. It has been made clear that the secret service is not allowing outside food or drink to be brought in. Bummer, man. I don’t want to lose days and days of progress because I’m forced to eat concession food. Boo!

Talk to you soon…

Losing over 50 pounds (50 POUNDS?! I’m still coming to grips with that…) is a daunting task when faced with all 50 pounds at once. Fifty pounds is a restaurant-sized sack of flour. A sack of cement. A sack, if you will, of fat.

I’ve been following the advice of Medifast, especially the book I received in the program called The Secret Is Out (available in the Amazon.com revolving carousel I called “Diet Tools and Cool Stuff” to the right of this article), by breaking up my giant goal of over 50 pounds into smaller, more attainable goals.

So I did that.

My first goal was to no longer be labeled as obese. To figure out your BMI (body mass index), go to this website provided by the National Institutes of Health and plug in the dirty, ugly truth.

At 5′4″, my body is considered obese at any weight over 174.6 pounds. I set my first goal as 174.5 pounds (take that, obesity!), and I achieved that goal on August 13, 2008 (at 174.4 pounds, thank you very much).

No longer being considered obese is a HUGE step for me. Do you have any idea how that label made me feel? My starting weight was barely over the BMI number for obesity, but I still felt so down about it. I didn’t feel obese. Obese, in my eyes, did not resemble anything like me.

But, like all things labeled, obesity must start somewhere. And, the ugly truth is that I had passed the mark from being overweight to obese, and I needed to accept that.

Now that I am no longer “obese”, my next goal is to achieve a 10% weight loss. That would bring me to 166 pounds. As of today, I’m at 171.8, so not quite but ALMOST there.

Baby steps.

Another way I could look at goals would be to celebrate when I drop out of one weight range into another, such as dropping from the 180s to the 170s, then the 170s into the 160s. In a short amount of time, I could celebrate the latter. It’s all about the mental shift of celebrating each step of a long journey.

Eventually, I will pass several other goals until I reach the next biggie:

no longer overweight!

That goal will be attained when I reach 145.3 pounds. It’s still a long ways out, so I look to the closest goals to keep me going.

Chug chug chug… down the scale I go.

Wow, folks. WOW. YOU amaze me! Thank you for all of the comments and encouragement. I need it. I really do.

I need to hear the good words. It takes some giant balls to tell you all of this stuff - my weight, issues, and such - and I need you to keep me honest and strong. Especially on a day like today. A day when I didn’t drop, and haven’t dropped weight since I started this ding dang blog. It will happen, but I get a bit discouraged (okay, a LOT discouraged) on the days that I don’t see progress.

Again, thank you. Keep it comin’.

I tried to be a bit productive today, to take my mind off of the lack of weight loss. Although, I am changing. My body feels and acts differently from before. In fact, I feel thinner and sexier at 171.9 now than I did before when I was at this weight. That is why it is so surprising to me when I see how high my weight is. I FEEL skinnier than I am. Phil says the same thing after feeling me up (meow!).

I did a bit of exercise today, mostly strength training stuff. Some abdominal work using a few exercises suggested in Parents magazine for getting rid of flabby post-baby bellies without straining the already-strained ab muscles that were stretched during pregnancy. I tried some push-ups and reverse push-ups (the ones for strengthening the flabby back of the arms). Ooof. I definitely feel the burn.

I actually jogged a bit the other night during a nightly stroll through the ‘hood. I only stopped running after realizing that my floppy belly was beginning to flop out of my pants (that are now too big for me! Woo!). I felt like I could keep running and running. That is a HUGE change for me. Normally if I try to jog, I get that exasperated feeling of burning in my throat and being winded. Not anymore!

More tomorrow!

Soon to come: tools for my success, and my own Medifast tips